Mastering Your Independence
If there’s anything I’m good at it’s being Independent. Growing up as an only child, I excelled quickly in the art of entertaining myself. Without siblings, and a single mother who worked several jobs, I had to get acquainted with my own company. During my weekly walks to the library I’d load myself up on books, gather all of my Nancy Drew Mystery Games, and select my favorite films to keep me company. My mother often tells the story of not being able to find me upon coming home from work. She screamed my name while frantically running around the house, thinking of course that I’d been abducted (thank you Lifetime Movies), only to find me tucked away in my closet asleep, with a half read book laying on my chest. Till this day I revel in the freedom and high I get from being alone. I read books, I clean while listening to podcasts, I write, I dream, I just really enjoy my own company.
I think when we speak of a woman’s independence, we mostly do it through the lense of financial and marital independence, but never really that of being independent with your time and space. It’s so important as women, to understand the growth and pride that comes with the ability to be and do thing alone. There are so many things you can do at any point in your day, to flex the muscle of independence. Here are 4 of my suggestions, and just so you know, I’ve done them all! As Beyonce said, “Me, Myself, and I, that’s all I got in the end.”
1.) Buy yourself flowers
When I was younger I’d watch my grandmother treat herself to fresh flowers every week, just because! It was something that made her happy, and livened up her space, and it became a little self care ritual of hers. So now, as an adult, I do the same. It’s such a small gesture, but a beautiful habit to have, to remind yourself constantly how important you are to yourself.
2.) Take yourself on a date
Personally, I love taking myself on dates to the bookstore. Let me loose in a bookstore—forget about it, I’ll be there browsing happily for hours. But if bookstores aren’t your cup of tea— go to Sephora, a museum, the movie theater (when they eventually open back up). The point is to take yourself somewhere on purpose, with the sole intent of keeping yourself company and enjoying your time alone. Try to make this exciting, and something that you don’t often do like putting gas in your car, or going to the grocery store.
3.) Learn a new skill or hobby
A few years back I signed up for photography lessons, and attended classes for a few weeks. Photography has always been something that interested me, and I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and take the initiative to really learn the art. I still have yet to hone my photography skills, but the act of signing up for the classes, and going to them every weekend really gave me a sense of confidence. Like, there are endless things I can explore regardless if someone is with me or not. You wanna try pilates? Painting? Hell, motocross? Do it! Don’t wait for someone to agree to go with you, and complain the whole time about doing it. Do this for yourself, simply because you want to.
4.) Take yourself on a trip
When I was 25 I went on a solo trip to Ireland. It is still hands down, one of the best things I’ve ever done. I toured the city, went to pubs, dined alone, went to the countryside, it was pure bliss. I met people in the process and shared in their company when I wanted, all the while knowing that at any moment I could do anything I wanted without having to clear it with anyone else. If going to another country alone is too much for you at this point, try something more local. Drive to the closest big city and take yourself shopping! It sounds scary and incredibly vulnerable, but I promise you, the rush you’ll feel will satisfy you for years to come.